Autocorrected
by ChocolateCakeandSexyCola
Summary: The gang goes through the pains and joys of autocorrect ! XD Sort of a Crack!fic
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! just as the summary hints, this will be just random fun with the characters going through pains of autocorrect~! It's my first and probably not the most professional way to start out this fanfiction thing but...meh XD Oh, well. I hope you like it~!**

**Disclaimer: I own nada.**

Austin hurriedly ties his shoes, typing up a quick text to say he's on his way, and sends it to Dez, a smile plastered on his face. Panpakes with Dez. What a beautiful way to start the day! Almost instantly, his phone emits a polyphonic beep as Dez replies. But when Austin opens the text he flails comically in confusion.

**New Message: Dez: Cool! Where did you get a warthog? And why are you sitting on it? I want one! **

"Huh?!" Austin's face is a weird compilation of shock and amusement, as he stares crazily at the text.

**New Message: Dez: Do they make comfortable chairs?**

Perplexed, he replies.

**Sent: Dez? Dude, wat r u talking a/b?**

**New Message: Dez: ? I'm confused...**

**Sent: Ur confuzed? I have absolutely no idea wat ur talking a/b.**

**New Message: Dez: You might want to reread your first text...**

Austin does as he's told, scrolling through to his initial text and imediately, he facepalms, little roses of heat blossoming on his cheeks.

**Sent: Oops. Sry, Dez. That was spose 2 say I'm on my WAY* Not warthog. I don't have a warthog. And if I did...y would I b sitting on it?**

"Stupid autocorrect..." Austin pouts at his phone as he sits on the edge of his bed, his excitement a little trodden, seeing how he just humiliated himself. "Pfft! What am I thinking?" He laughs at himself, because, seriously, it's only Dez! He shouldn't be so embarrased. It's not his fault, his phone corrects him almost annoyingly constantly. Slightly relieved that he can just laugh about this because...Dez is probably laughing too, he gets pumped back up and resumes getting ready.

His phone chirps a little while later, while he's doing final hair checks in the mirror. Swishing his hair to the side, and striking a pose, "Wha's sup?" he nods like he's checking a cute girl out. Grinning, satisfied, that he looks up to par, he grabs his phone as he glides through his bedroom door, reading the text.

**New Message: Dez: Ohhhhhhhh. **

**New Message: Dez: Aw man... :( I want a warthog, now.**

**New Message: Dez: And don't apologize to me. Apologize to Pumaa, man.**

Austin shakes his head with a fond little smile on his face.

**Sent: Lion king's awesome XD**

**New Message: Dez: Indeed, buddy...Indeed.**

**New Message: Dez: Ooh! I got new batman potholders. Cool, huh?**

Rolling his eyes, Austin makes his way to the mall food court, as he types his reply.

**Sent: Dude, y potholders?**

**New Message: Dez: Why not potholders? **

Austin hums in agreement at his challenge. He had a point.

**New Message: Dez: Dude, while i'm cooking, I can look down, I see batman on my hands. I start singing the batman theme. When is that ever bad?**

**Sent: True, dude. **

**Sent: XD Nananananananananananananananana BREAST MILK!**

His eyes widen as he realizes too late, what autocorrect did and he falls to the floor in side splitting laughter, tears streaming down his face. Because seriously.

Most. Perfect. Autocorrect. Ever.

**Sent: LOLOLOLOL OMG! OMG! I MEANT BAT MAN******

**New Message: Dez: I will never sing that song correctly again. O.o I've been scarred for life.**

**Sent: Ur welcome, dude :)**

Austin wipes a stray tear from his eye and pushes himself to his feet. His mood incredibly lifted. He keeps randomly giggling until he actually sees Dez at the food court and sits down in the chair across from him, grinning. "Oh, man...autocorrect, dude!"

Dez smiles. "It's okay, buddy, I fall victim to it too. Look, i ordered you some pancakes."

"Yay!" Austin's eyes bug at the sight of the scrumptious favorite as he digs in. After a few moments of comfortable silence, he speaks through a mouthful of strawberry jelly'd flavor. "I've never seen you autocorrected." he points out.

Dez sighs as he narrows his eyes at his phone. "Autocorrect is evil."

Feigning a gasp of shock, Austin places his hand over his heart. "Dezmond, my Dezmond actually hates something?"

Dez snorts and says caustically. "Nope I love it. I love looking like an idiot."

With a playful smile to let his friend know he's kidding, Austin lightly swings his foot to kick Dez's. "Well, that explains your shoes."

After an hour of talking and eating, Austin is reclined back, feet kicked up on the table, as he watches Dez make a portrait using just salt. Dez was weird, but he could make the most intricate things out of...well, anything! After awhile of watching him, he slips his phone out of his pocket, types something and begins to blush profusely.

Dez glances up at him, with a look of curious determination.

Austin is talking to a girl most likely, but he can never be too sure. "Let's see," he muses, shaking he salt from his hands, and placing one of them on his chin in the universal gesture of deep musings.

Austin looks up in surprise, and then blushes deeper as he realizes Dez is playing detective. It's not like he's embarrassed...well, not really, but he doesn't...he just doesn't want Dez to know, okay!

"That's not your pancake smile...no, not your 'just has gas face'...hmm."

"Dez!" Austin protests, glancing around quickly, and finding, much to his relief, that the food court was pretty empty. "I'm not making a face!" A beat. "And I don't have gas!"

"Uh-huh, suuuuuuurrrreee, you're no-OH! I got a text!" Dez fishes his phone out of his bag, tossing various junk out of his way; an anchor, a fully blown up balloon...a pickle basket? How did he fit does things in there? Either way, Austin just deflates, happy for the destraction. Dez frowns as he reads the text. "It's from you..."

Austin slams his soda down and lunges across the table, trying to wrestle the phone out of his best friends hand, eyes wide. "No, wait! That wasn't for y-"

Dez simply twists out of the way with no problem, clearly undeterred. He reads the text with a face that might as well have a giant WTF? on it.

**Stupid cliffhanger I know. lol Sorry, and I know it's SUPER DUPER SHORT! I had like ten minutes to write this and i wanted to post something! These are going to be random and weird but hey ^_^ it's fun. **

**Please review~! and if you'd like give suggestions on funny embarrassing autocorrect situations~! I might just use your idea~!**

**Thank you so much for reading, even if it sucks~!**


	2. Chapter 2

**OMG, WOW! I didn't expect such a response this fast! Thank you guys, so much! XD I feel welcomed! Even though, I'm...kinda being weird. And this is far from good writing. i'm so ashamed..**

**I had already written this before I got my first review, so if it seems rushed, i'm sorry. I will try harder~! Although this is just fun exercise for when i REALLY start writing :)**

"'Hey! You rock my wurlitzer! I got you a boquet of fingernails, I hope you like them...smiley face,'" Dez reads the message aloud, and what seems like twenty different emotions flit across his face before he looks up at an increasingly mortified and baffled Austin. He bats his eyelashes like a coy girl. "Austin, you got me a boquet of fingernails? That's so sweet, buddy! You shouldn't have!" He lays a hand on the back of Austin's and squeezes it.

Even as he's blushing the color of vermilion, Austin manages to manufacture a condescending look that says 'really, Dez? A boquet of fingernails? Really?!"

That look slips past Dez's notice-of course- as the ginger-haired teen frowns suddenly, gradually taking his hand off. "W-" he moves his mouth around in jerky motions, as if he's testing the word out. "what's a wurlitzer? wurlitz?...wrul...wurl... wurly...wurlitzer?"

Covering his feverish face, Austin groans and shakes his head furiously. "I don't know, Dez, but that message wasn't meant for you."

Dez captures his annoyed, worried expression and tilts his head to the side. "You okay? You look like you really need to sneeze," he observes.

Nice to know what his inner emotional turmoil looks like to an outsider. _Me? Humiliated, angry, and annoyed? Nah, i just gotta sneeze, man. I'll be a'ight. _

Too bad he couldn't sneeze out his bad luck.

"Well...at least I sent it to _you _by mistake. Thank god," he huffs, raking his hair out of his eyes, and trying to calm down, "If Ally saw that atrocity of autocorre-" he clamps a hand over his mouth, expression turning owlish.

Busted.

"WHAT?" Dez sounds repulsed, as he throws down his phone in a fit of passion. "So you got Ally a boquet of fingernails, when you know I'm a...a..." he flounders for the right words. "Fingernail..enthusiast!" It sounds like a question, but he still makes it seem overly dramatic, as he stands, abruptly knocking over his chair in the process. "I'm more of a fingernail-enthusiast than she is!"

"Dez! It was supposed to say flowers! " Austin shouts, throwing his arms out to accentuate his sentiment, "A boquet of fingernails doesn't make sense, okay? I got...I got Ally a boquet of flowers." He deflates as the words begin to taper off and he sighs, feeling the blood finally rush away from his face. He feels tired, and defeated, and his mood is now totally debunked.

It's not like he was embarrased by admitting his crush on Ally, it's just...he can make a cheerleader swoon, right? No sweat. Or even his producer's beautiful daughter? Sure, why not? But with Ally? It was different.

It was just...weird.

"Ohhhh... okay!" Dez quips mirthfully, shrugs and rights the overturned chair, joining his friend at the table again. "That makes all the difference! Why didn't you just say so? Completely different meanings."

Austin rolls his eyes. "I love you, Dez. But the jealous girlfriend bit? it's supposed to be my girlfriend's job. Of course...when I actually have a girlfriend.."

"...But I can still have the jealous best friend bit right?"

"...Yeah, I guess.."

Silence confines them for a moment.

"So...Ally rocks your wurlitzer?"

Despite himself, Austin chuckles. "It, um...it was supposed to say world.." he mumbles, absently drawing little hearts on his forearm with his fingertip, a soft turn of his lips gracing his face.

Dez watches him, feeling the warmth and happiness emanate from his friend, making him smile in return. "Sometimes your just too cute, you know," he teases.

"Thanks." Austin raises his shoulder in a half-shrug, nodding proudly, but at the same time, ducking his head timidly. "I know..."

"You know what? Ally deserves to hear all of this." He picks up his phone, dusting it off and before Austin realizes what's happened-

BEEP.

"There you go, buddy. I just forwarded your message to Ally." He places a hand on Austin's shoulder. "You're welcome."

The muscle under Austin's right eye twitches of its own volition.

He just stares at Dez. Eyes gleaming with unborn revenge.

Tic.

Tic.

BOOM!

The table goes sailing across the food court, and Austin reels Dez in by his shirtfront.

"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU?! DEZ, WHY?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! AL;SDKJF;ALKSDFJALKSJFSKLFJ!" There's a melee of flailing arms, and angry incoherent shouts, and crazed eyes, and tears, and Dez shrinks down in his seat, terrified.

"Wait, i thought you wanted her to know! Isn't that what you wer- What's that? Ooh, it's shiny!...and... sharp? Uh-oh..."

**Beeeeep. We're sorry, but this line has been disconnected. Please try your call again later. Goodbye.**

**(Later)**

"-So, I think it's safe to say that we've all learned a very important valuable life lesson about viewing clouds on top of this hill..." Ally's polite, approachable face morphs into a serious reproachful one, "Skydivers will land on you. And you will die." A split second later, her cheerful expression is making another cameo and telling everyone goodbye. She adjourns her cloud watchers meeting with a firm slam of the gavel. And another. And another. And ano-

Okay, she may or may not spend fifteen minutes, gaveling the hell out the poor podium stand.

Once her odd gavel fetish is satiated, she gathers up her gear and checks her phone. There's a message from Dez and a message from Austin. Before she can check either one, though, another alert appears.

**New Message: BFF: Hey, Ally? Did you use any of the velociraptor from my cheese cart?**

**New Message: BFF: Velociraptor? What the..? I clearly meant velveeta* **

**New Message: BFF: :( Stupid Ass Cream**

**New Message: BFF: OMG!**

**New Message: BFF: AUTOCORRECT*****!**

**New Message: BFF: What the fructose, phone! calm yourself! D:**

**New Message: BFF: Fructose***

**New Message: BFF: Fructose*!**

**New Message: BFF: GOD DAMSEL!**

Ally stares at her phone, slightly terrified. The autocorrection for 'fuck' was interestingly close, but that last autocorrection was definately very, very close enough to what Trish had truely meant. Alas, a final alert sounds, which she cautiously reads.

**New Message: BFF: Okay, I'm done. Now, about the Velociraptor?**

**New Message: BFF:... -_- You know what I mean.**

Ally shakes her head fondly. Trish took the job at Cheese Out of My League to pay for her new phone, but it seems like she's still trying to figure out how to work it.

She tries to be clever and sends:** ;) Yes, I did. I love me some dinosaur cheese. Get it? Veloceraptor? It's a dinosaur?**

**New Message: BFF: You're not funny, Ally. -_-**

Rolling her eyes, Ally replies: **No, Trish. Why would I take any cheese from your cart?**

After a prolonged moment that sprouts a seed of suspicion in Ally's gut, Trish sends: **Oh, no reason! Heh. Nothing wrong with the cheese or anything! I definately didn't forget to throw out the expired cheese or anything stupid like that! What? Pffft. That's crazy! **

**New Message: BFF: We never had this conversation, bye!**

"Oh...kay?" With a small shudder, Ally dismisses the little episode and opens Austin's message, only to be taken aback by the quality of it. Her eyes, dark and sleek like a beetle's wing, are ginormous.

**New Message: Austin~3: ANIME, WHATEVER DUMBASS TOLD U, IT WASN'T TRUE! AND IF U HAVEN'T READ HIS MESSAGE YET, DON'T DO IT, K? TRUST ME!**

"Anime?" Ally is beyond confused. Is that code for something? "Dumbass?" He answers her before she can even put her inquiries down into text formation.

**New Message: Austin~3: I JUST REREAD MY TITS, AND THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT'S FAULT, Ok! I MEANT 2 SAY ALLY* AND DEZ* **

**New Message: Austin~3 Although, I probably could've left Dumbass alone. I mean, it IS Dez...**

With wide eyes, Ally rereads it over and over again, just to be sure she's processing this right.

**"I just reread my tits,"**

**"I just reread my TITS,"**

**"JUST. REREAD. TITS."**

**"TITS."**

The laughter bubbles up from her chest slowly, as she puts the pieces together. The mature side of her is recognizing the honest autocorrection mistake as it is, but the inappropriate terminology has her crumpling to the ground. Apparently, Austin has the ability to not only read his tits, but reread them as well.

Despite her debilitating laughing fit, she has enough energy to send Austin a message congratulating him on his newfound ability.

**New Message: Austin~3: OH. MY. GOLF. D: **

**New Message: Ausitn~3: I give up -_-**

Austin is one million percent done with his stupid phone. He's humiliated himself in front of Ally...virtually, of course, and he's starting to think that maybe, kinda, sorta, he was a little too harsh on Dez.

Ish.

"It's all because of you," he grumbles at the stupid phone, and decides ultimately to just throw it away.

Right after he checks this one last message, that is.

**New Message: Dez: Austin.**

**New Message: Dez: Austin, will you let me out of the closet already! I'm sorry, okay?**

**New Message: Dez: C'mon, you miss me!**

**New Message: Dez: I miss you?**

**New Message: Dez: You have pretty eyes.**

**New Message: Dez: Nice hair?**

**New Message: Dez: You're smiling, aren't you, buddy? Yep. I bet you've already forgiven me :) The power of our friendship prevails!**

**New Message: Dez: You're letting me out now, right?**

**New Message: Dez: I can't wait to see your friendly big nipples!**

**New Message: Dez: NO**

**New Message: Dez: That is NOT right.**

**New Message: Dez: That said Dimples* not Nipples.**

**New Message: Dez: You didn't just read what you thought you read.**

**New Message: Dez: Hello?**

**New Message: Dez: How do I tell off erection?**

**New Message: Dez: How do I turn* off auto conception*?**

**New Message: Dez: Autocorrection***

**New Message: Dez: Antelope Condom***

**New Message: Dez: No, wait. That second one was right.**

**New Message: Dez: ...Austin?**

Three hours later, left with the startling conclusion that maybe the fact that reading others' hilarious autocorrections could be definately worth keeping his phone, Austin is _still _laughing, but manages to send one text back to Dez.

**Sent: *Dead***

**O.O Yeah, this is turning out a little more weirder than I thought it would...Hey, it IS a crack!fic, right?**

**Uh...sorry? Review? Maybe?**


End file.
